{January 30, 2017}   For The Love of Hooks Event – 2011

An old post that didn’t make it on here for some reason.

This weekend was For the love of hooks event, it was a skindependant fundraiser that i am proud to say was apart of. I don’t know why flesh hook suspension have always interested me but since i was 16 i was in love and i wanted to do it. This time it was my second suspension and I won’t say it was easier than the first because i dont think it was, it just went smoother than the first and i was happier about this one.

Being suspended by your own skin is not easy. Not everyone can fathom why i do it, why i love it, why i find watching it one of the most beautiful things in the world. But that is sacred to me so it doesn’t really matter. The body amazes me, what we can put our body through, what we can over come by sheer will power, astounds me.

I was hung on saturday the 23rd of july 2011. I was surround by the most amazing people, i had dear friends there supporting me and others. I had the skindependant crew taking care of me each step of the way, and i had my partners there.

I had two hooks in my back and two in my knees, its called a 4pt lotus, though its not really a lotus since my legs arent crossed and the other lotus’ look way better. I had people wandering around me checking the rigging, i had a crew member holding my hand and giving me a step by step kind of what to expect thing from his own experience. There was people dancing around to music, and to no music, there was bromance moments, there was laughter and smiles. The atmosphere of these events blows me away.

Watching others endure the fight against themselves in those moments and then seeing their face when they win against it, its one of the most beautiful things ive ever seen. I find beauty in flesh hook suspensions and always have and always will.

With my own suspension I got to a point where i doubted myself in a very big way. I was so damn close but i didn’t think I could go any further, I panicked inside because i wanted this so damn badly and was afraid my body was going to prevent me from finishing what I had started. My feet were off the ground and i felt like i was sitting on this weird angle, i was so close to being off that seat and i told them up and i was just about to stay stop but i shut my mouth and kept going til i was off that seat and in the air. I was so so lucky when it come to the music being played because i just sat there with my eyes closed singing to myself, calming myself.

Okay so the video is not the most flattering for my larger figure but hey, you get the picture. It was hard to try and have my head up, i was happy with it bowed down and eyes shut just feeling that i had won over my own mind and body. It took a long time to get in the air, and for others they are up within a couple of minutes. This is easier for some rather than others, and I do find this extremely hard to do. So i took my time and i got it in the end. I was in the air for about 6mins, some can easily do 15mins, but i got my 6 and that was all i wanted. I didn’t need more, i couldn’t do more but what i did was for me and no one else in those moments.

I am struggling with my depression severely at the moment, i am still feeling my body having withdrawls from my old anti depressants, its this odd almost dizzy feeling. I delt with that the entire day, i delt with it through my suspension. But if i could deal with it then, then my next flight is going to be even better.

I spent the whole day there, i didnt get to see maybe 3/4 suspensions of the whole day because i had been sitting on cold hard seats for hours and i needed to go to bed. I was stuffed. It took a hell of a lot out of my body and my mind, i was almost in tears so many times throughout the day because i was so proud of everyone who gave it a go, some succeeded and some didn’t But it didn’t matter because they did everything they could. And sometimes your body does fail you, this is not a natural thing for your body to go through. So by the time i got home i could hardly move, i wanted so so badly to be able to go to day 2 but i have been in bed all day. My muscles are finally forgiving me and i am able to get out of bed without johntys help.

This weekend empowered me in a way that i needed so badly. With everything that i deal with within myself, i needed that moment where i won against my body and mind and succeeded in what i wanted to do. And i did it, and i realize why everyone is so proud of me. I am proud of me, and if I can swing from hooks through my skin, then I can get through this black patch that i am going through.

For everyone who made the day what it was, i am thankful. For the crew who went around with vomit buckets, bandages, rigging, to simply making some one smile because they are nervous. They are all beautiful people who are passionate about what they do, and they have fun doing it. i was in such good hands, and so were the rest of those being suspended, I don’t think I would want any other crew doing this than these guys. I am so so glad that I got to be a part of this event, and I will be apart of more.

There is beauty in everything, and i find it in the strangest of places. Suspensions can only be described by me as beautiful, the people who do it and are part of it are all beautiful to me.



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