PretyImperfction











{October 28, 2012}   Last Sunday Sessions of 2012

Today was the last Sunday Sessions of 2012 and the whole day was amazing for me. It started off by me watching some very cool suspensions. My lovely Mischief as always blowing me away with her strength and beauty as well as watching someone’s second suspension which just happened to be back and chest!! The mans second suspension and already trying out a chest, i was completely in awe the whole time. And being able to watch someone else’s first time, giving them advice to try to help calm him down a little before he went to get pierced and watching him soar and be completely at peace once he was up, it was magic. I really love when a persons first time goes really well for them, because i know how hard it is and how hard it is when things don’t go the way you want them to.

I was nervous, i was fine when i was distracted but my last suspension was very disappointing for me. I was disappointed with myself and so i wanted this to one to go okay so i could get my confidence back and know that i really can do this. After watching some of the mornings suspensions and getting more and more nervous about my own, we went off to have lunch and pick up my friend. After i ate i felt sick, i was really anxious and scatterbrained, not thinking properly at all and this made me worry if i was even going to be able to get through the piercing side of it. By the time I got back to the hall I was feeling okay again, I didn’t feel sick anymore and I was very determined again. I got plugged in, focused on my music while they massaged and pulled at my skin. Figuring out were to place the hooks and then having to wipe away the marks and do it again. The only thing i hated about this part is my feet were getting sore from trying to hold still for so long.. i don’t mind waiting. I would much rather they were completely happy with where the hooks were to be placed and have it take a while, than for them to rush through it and not feel confident. I trust these people and waiting doesn’t bother me.. just my feet did lol.

It was strange because while i was waiting, i wasn’t nervous anymore, i wasn’t scared. I was just focused, happy within myself, happy to be there, be around those people and happy that it was finally my turn again. I knew that i could do it, that everything would be fine this time around. I swear that it doesn’t matter how many times people suspend you will still get a little nervous when it comes down to it, but i wasn’t.. i was completely okay this time. Usually when they pierce me they do it one at a time, this time they did two at a time and it was actually a hell of a lot easier.. it still hurt of course but it felt like only three hooks and not six. Then its time to get rigged up. The way they rigged was a little different this time, they got the first two done and then put heaps of tension on while they did the others. I was already flying in my head, i could almost feel my feet leave the ground and i would grin in between random pain faces as they adjusted things.

Having a lot of tension on the hooks actually made the whole thing a lot easier, my body was already used to a lot of tension before i even started my wee back and forth dance. Suddenly its time, its up to me. I walk and pull and then tell them to pull on the rope more and i walk and pull more. And then i bloody well get cramp in my foot! I just laughed about it, it happened to Mischief last time so she knew how annoying it was. I keep going and soon i’m off the ground. I smile and laugh and swing a little but then i start feeling lightheaded. I don’t want to come down yet, i’m not finished! I have to, i feel like i’m going to pass out and i need to be on the ground if i do. I’m back on the ground and i have some juice, laugh and smile some more. Start to feel less foggy and i know i’m not finished yet. I’m going to go back up again. I think maybe I rushed a little the first time, and so I try to slow down a bit. But i can’t slow down, the more i pull and tug the faster i walk, the easier it is. Its funny because all while i’m doing this there are a lot of people watching, but in those moments i see no one. There is me, just me, i can feel the others around me but my focus is all on myself. I look at people without really seeing them and so i stare at a spot on the floor instead. I’m so damn determined, i’m not giving up. I’m putting my foot down and i’m going to do this, i will get back up again. I’m almost up and  i walk back and forth and tell them to take me all the way up. As the rope is pulled and i’m slowly lifted i keep walking back and forth and with one last effort and push off of Mischief’s hands.. i’m up. I grin, i laugh, i giggle, i spin around and swing. I have my eyes closed for a lot of it, i just focus on the swing and the music, i sing along to myself and then smile and laugh more. Sometimes i look around, and i can finally see everyone else, i can see everyone smiling back at me. I feel completely at peace inside, that the world around me is perfect again. That in these moments everything is perfect, everything is fun and happy and loving and i can’t help but smile and laugh. I don’t know how long i was up, i don’t know how high up i was or how much i swung around but i don’t care either. Because i did it. I got up, i got up twice and i managed to stay up without that awful shock taking over everything. The suspension before this didn’t go well and i was scared i wouldn’t be able to get off the ground again, i got off the ground and in the end it was honestly my best suspension so far. I have never been that completely ecstatic from a suspension. I have been happy from suspensions, i have felt perfect from them but this time everything was just that much more. It ment that much more to me. Its hard to describe how perfect and wonderful this really was for me, i can’t even get the words out to begin to try and explain how magical this suspension truly was. Being in the air, spinning and swinging and feeling free, and then opening my eyes and seeing how happy everyone else was just by watching me, having them share my completely happiness.. that is what magic is to me. The room was electrified and connected and i can understand why people have done suspensions to feel closer to God. I’m not religious and so the only way i can describe it is magic, something that you feel in the air and in your heart and you can almost see it but not quite. Its more than just the chemicals your body produces to protect you but i don’t know what it is. Energy i guess, energy i believe in but magic is my word for it, my own personal magic.

My muscles start to hurt and i know that i’m ready to come down, i’m happy to come down. My mum comes over to me, she hugs me and tells me how much she loves me, that i amaze her and that i am such a strong person. We both stand there crying, and hugging each other. The adrenaline is wearing off and i’m starting to think a little clearer again. We laugh and cry more, set off other people in the room. It was a very, very emotional moment for everyone, it was beautiful. I stand there talking and laughing more with people while they get sorted out so the hooks can be removed. Then i lay back down on the table and just lay there in quiet reflection as the crew remove the hooks and bandage me up. I can hardly feel the hooks being removed, it doesn’t hurt and i just close my eyes and breathe. I did it, and i’m so happy.

I’m quiet the rest of the afternoon, i’m tired and my muscles hurt. I keep smiling to myself as i remember everything, going over and over again in my mind. I’m still in quiet reflection now, hours later and I will be for days to come. Its the people that surround me that make me able to do this. I said to my mum when i was 16 that one day i would do flesh hook suspensions, and i was lucky enough to find an amazing group of people who help me time and time again to do this. Having a supportive and loving crew helping me every step of the way, watching me grow and change and growing and changing with me… to me this is very special. I won’t ever be able to thank these people enough for what it is they give to me. Suspensions are a powerful thing and i love that there is a community of people who share it with me, that I have an amazing crew like Skindependent and the help of people from Suspended inTension (another amazing crew), an amazing friend Mischief, and my beautiful mum, all supporting me and helping me do what i do. I love this, and i’m so proud of everyone who was involved today. I can’t wait until the next Sunday Sessions in 2013.

For those who read this, there are probably spelling errors and it may seem a bit disjointed in places but i’m still flying inside right now 🙂

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